thinking about my identity

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ThrowawayThoughts

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Dec 18, 2021
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i made this account as a throwaway so i could get stuff off my chest really quick. if this is randomly deleted it's because ive found an answer, so please bare with me here. (she/her pronouns)

ive been thinking about my identity a lot lately, and think i might be on the demiromatic spectrum (specifically greyromatic)

i dont exactly know why this has suddenly started to bug me a lot, but ive had times where i'd randomly feel really lonely, and i have friends that constantly shower me in compliments.

at the same time though, i dont really care about any attraction i have, and theres a really low chance id ever act on romantic attraction. i guess i just want the feeling of being loved. ive never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, but i dont think im asexual or aroace because i feel sexual attraction to some extent but just dont wish to ever act on it.

and then theres the thoughts about my gender. i frankly have never cared about my gender, and havent seen why it's so important. at the same time though, i still don't like being misgendered. ive always identified as female but i dont like being seen or portrayed as feminine. ive thought about that maybe i could be trans or nonbinary but the idea of being a boy frankly doesn't right with me.

ive looked up labels and think i might be cassgender and grayromantic, but im sure if these are accurate or fitting yet.
 
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Gigi

Active member
Jul 2, 2021
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Brighton
Labels are not important. Although because sexual attraction and behaviour is a fluent thing. If you think about yourself: when were you happy lately? What makes you happy? And did this happen in relation to something sexual?

Anyway, enjoy your life aside all labels. And if you get butterflies because of a certain person... lucky you; but if not, don’t worry about it.

I wish you every day to be wonderful.

Gigi
 
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marko

New member
Oct 26, 2021
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Mojave Desert
I agree with Gigi. Labels should be a thing of the past. You are who you are; no need to be classified and filed into a "label." My friend is gay, but he never actually uses the label. He tells me he is Joe, who happens to be attracted to guys. I think that is a mentally healthier way to live life.

Best wishes with your search. And sorry you feel that this board is a "throwaway account." It actually can be much more.
 

Whatever

New member
Dec 29, 2021
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North America
I didn't need any labels to understand how you described yourself.

But I can see how labels can be a useful way to avoid having to go into all that. Soon enough the wider LGBT community will probably settle on categories that are broadly understood.
 
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AudryLeigh

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Jan 2, 2022
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Eugene, Oregon, USA
Labels are just words, and you are unique. There might not be a label that fits you, which is perfectly OK. Romantic and sexual attraction are very complicated often and not easy to understand. My belief is that you (everyone) should listen to their heart rather than their brain. Your brain, (your mind) is cluttered with propaganda and preconceived notions of sex, gender, and sexuality, and so is unlikely to give you anything other than a reflection of societal norms. Your heart, on the other hand, has no eyes or ears, and so knows nothing of this propaganda -- it can only tell you the truth. Your brain talks to you softly and subtly. Your brain has a megaphone and is always shouting, "Listen to Me!!!" Your feelings, subtle things like butterflies in your stomach, flushing, spontaneously smiling (or frowning)... Things like these are your heart talking to you. Listen to your heart. Words are only tools. Feelings reflect the real you. Don't overthink feelings, or they will become polluted with the propaganda your brain has been flooded with all our life. I hope this helps. Feel free to contact me anytime by replying to this post or private messaging me (starting a conversation with me). Never be afraid to ask questions.
Hugs,
Audry Leigh
 
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Gigi

Active member
Jul 2, 2021
187
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Brighton
In my opinion your explanation was very good to understand and a wonderful way to express: be sensitive to your feelings. Writing about myself, it took me a long time to come to terms with myself, the signs have always been there, but socialisation and influence from outside sources let my brain reign, suppressing my feelings. 😢

Gigi
 

AudryLeigh

Administrator
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Jan 2, 2022
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Eugene, Oregon, USA
it took me a long time to come to terms with myself, the signs have always been there, but socialisation and influence from outside sources let my brain reign, suppressing my feelings. 😢
That is so true of so many people. I was extremely lucky to be raised by very liberal parents who taught me from the beginning that there's a little bit of boy in all girls and a little little bit of girl in all boys, some more than others. Somehow it still took me almost 60 years to realize that I was really a woman. Go figure.
 
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