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JacobMichaelFTM

New member
Nov 27, 2021
1
2
1
29
United states
Hello, My name is Jacob and I'm trans (FTM). I've been on a self finding journey for a few years now, I've just started transitioning but am not on testosterone. I'm at the point where there's several people in my personal life who refuse to accept me for me, use my pronouns and just straight up say I'm not transgender because I haven't started Testosterone. I have PCOS and have had multiple opinions from doctors who don't think testosterone would be good at this time due to my PCOS. I've always been "different" ever since I was younger I knew I was "different" I was always hanging out with the boys at school, playing basketball and hotwheels 24/7. I've always felt this way, like I wasn't meant to be stuck in a woman's body. Do I have to take Testosterone to be a man? Am I not valid if I don't? So many opinions are getting to me and I just don't know anymore. Thank you!
 

xerixio

Member
Sep 15, 2021
42
42
18
15
ur dad
Hello, My name is Jacob and I'm trans (FTM). I've been on a self finding journey for a few years now, I've just started transitioning but am not on testosterone. I'm at the point where there's several people in my personal life who refuse to accept me for me, use my pronouns and just straight up say I'm not transgender because I haven't started Testosterone. I have PCOS and have had multiple opinions from doctors who don't think testosterone would be good at this time due to my PCOS. I've always been "different" ever since I was younger I knew I was "different" I was always hanging out with the boys at school, playing basketball and hotwheels 24/7. I've always felt this way, like I wasn't meant to be stuck in a woman's body. Do I have to take Testosterone to be a man? Am I not valid if I don't? So many opinions are getting to me and I just don't know anymore. Thank you!
You're valid, no matter what.

Also, side note- Jacob is actually my deadname!
 

Whatever

New member
Dec 29, 2021
19
22
3
North America
I'm new here and a bit late in finding your post.

Of course you want the people closest to you (at least, at this time in your life - there will be others) to empathize and support you.

But friendships have limits - even when it comes to much simpler matters ! Friends don't always like your parents, or who you're dating, or what job path you've chosen, etc. So imagine how much more fraught friendship becomes when sexuality enters the mix.

Transgender experiences are still a mystery to most people, and friends who think they're on your side may still harbor subconscious resentment at being "forced" to grapple with the changes you are going through. Or, they may simply need more time to process it, time that you personally may not have.

I think your best course of action is to seek support and wisdom from the transgender community. If your current friends want to share your journey with you, great. But better not to expect it.
 

Whatever

New member
Dec 29, 2021
19
22
3
North America
Hello, My name is Jacob and I'm trans (FTM). I've been on a self finding journey for a few years now, I've just started transitioning but am not on testosterone. I'm at the point where there's several people in my personal life who refuse to accept me for me, use my pronouns and just straight up say I'm not transgender because I haven't started Testosterone. I have PCOS and have had multiple opinions from doctors who don't think testosterone would be good at this time due to my PCOS. I've always been "different" ever since I was younger I knew I was "different" I was always hanging out with the boys at school, playing basketball and hotwheels 24/7. I've always felt this way, like I wasn't meant to be stuck in a woman's body. Do I have to take Testosterone to be a man? Am I not valid if I don't? So many opinions are getting to me and I just don't know anymore. Thank you!
Update, to address the issue of testosterone ... Being cis gay, I'm not qualified to say much on that. I can only ask :

What defines who you are as a "man" ? Is it your physical characteristics, or primarily your psychological identity ?

There is so much disagreement about this in society at large - and even within LGBT circles.

How much pain will it cause you to continue living with female biological features - and is that pain so great that it outweighs the possible drawbacks of taking testosterone ?

I hope other transgender males, in various stages of the transition process, can give you the insight you need.
 
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Gigi

Active member
Jul 2, 2021
191
140
43
Brighton
Hello, My name is Jacob and I'm trans (FTM). I've been on a self finding journey for a few years now, I've just started transitioning but am not on testosterone. I'm at the point where there's several people in my personal life who refuse to accept me for me, use my pronouns and just straight up say I'm not transgender because I haven't started Testosterone. I have PCOS and have had multiple opinions from doctors who don't think testosterone would be good at this time due to my PCOS. I've always been "different" ever since I was younger I knew I was "different" I was always hanging out with the boys at school, playing basketball and hotwheels 24/7. I've always felt this way, like I wasn't meant to be stuck in a woman's body. Do I have to take Testosterone to be a man? Am I not valid if I don't? So many opinions are getting to me and I just don't know anymore. Thank you!
Because it’s unknown territory for me I wouldn’t know which advice to give. But I want to express that I’m with you, hoping you’ll find a way to become the accepted person you feel to be.

Gigi
 

AudryLeigh

Administrator
Staff member
Paid Membership
Jan 2, 2022
76
80
18
Eugene, Oregon, USA
Do I have to take Testosterone to be a man? Am I not valid if I don't?
Hey JacobMichaelFTM,

No, and no. Hormone therapy is nice if it's a viable option, but you are still you, with or without. I've been a trans woman for going on 11 years. For the first 6 years I didn't do hormone therapy because I thought I was too old (silly me, never be afraid to ask). I started estrogen supplements and testosterone blockers about 5 years ago. For that first 6 years I was stil, by God, a WOMAN! The secret to a successful transition (IMHO) is confidence, confidence, and more confidence. Like working out to build up a muscle, you may need to do some "social workouts" to build up your confidence. Go to places and hang out with people who will validate you, and get comfortable being your true and authentic self. Keep doing this until you are confident about who you are. Even though I rarely pass (I can if I really take the time), during my entire 10+ years as a woman, I've only been seriously misgendered four times. I get accepted and respected as a woman everywhere I go. It's not because of how I look but how I come across. Friends tell me that even known transphobes (known to them I guess, but not to me) treat me right because of the fact that I broadcast my confidence. I guess I do. I know who I am, and I live the truth of it. One reformed transphobe even eventually admitted to me (after knowing me for over 2 years) that when he first met me he started to approach me to harass me, but ended up thinking, "Jesus, she's so sure of who she is, I'm not going to be able to ruffle her -- and I might get the tongue lashing of my life," so he turned and walked away. About a year later, after seeing him many times at Karaoke, we ended up friends. Now he hassles transphobes and homophobes. Confidence is genuinely powerful stuff. BE YOURSELF, it's your right. Feel free to PM me any time. I'm here to help.

Hugs,
Audry Leigh
 
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