Am I catfishing?

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TheGrayArea

Member
Jan 7, 2022
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Connecticut
Am I catfishing to not immediately tell someone that I've started talking to or flirting with that I'm trans until (a) it becomes relevant or (b) I really feel comfortable with the person?
 
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Gigi

Active member
Jul 2, 2021
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Brighton
Am I catfishing to not immediately tell someone that I've started talking to or flirting with that I'm trans until (a) it becomes relevant or (b) I really feel comfortable with the person?

U r who u r.

And if it’s nor a neither b why should you start every conversation, flirt, whatever with an introduction: warning, I’m trans . Catfish is a nice reality show, but you are not a show (I hope you are, but in another sense) you are reality. And aside from a or b there’s no need to declare yourself.

Short answer to your question in my opinion is: NO.

Gigi
 

Thief King Bakura

King of THieves
Staff member
Paid Membership
Jul 22, 2021
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Wonderland
I'mma say no. No you're not catfishing. YOu're not choosing to deliberately mislead somebody. Withholding the fact that your transgender is up to you until such a time you feel comfortable enough to tell your potential partner. I probably would choose to tell whoever I date either on the second or third date or if it's online, probably just say, "by the way, I'm a trans man. I hope this doesn't change your view of me" or something like that. Or maybe in less words. Sorry, I'm a wordy sort...runs in the family I suppose.

The long and short answer is no. Only tell somebody you're trans when you're comfortable enough. If people don't like that well...it's on them in the end.
 

TheGrayArea

Member
Jan 7, 2022
35
30
18
Connecticut
My only rule is, "complete disclosure as soon as intimacy comes on the radar screen -- or before."

Hugs,
Audry Leigh
Oh of course. I just meant when talking like a friendship or flirting non-sexually. Like I had a guy once always flirt with me and call me cutie but once he learned I was trans he was livid. He told me that was wrong because he wouldn't have told me I was cute if he'd known because he's gay and apparently him thinkin I'm cute is not.
I meant more a situation like that.
 

EliS

New member
Jan 14, 2022
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Irwin, PA
Catfishing is done to trick or deceive the other person. Being trans isn't a form of trickery. Because of this, you aren't catfishing at all. When you decide to tell the other person is truly and completely up to you. Some do tell right away, some never tell at all. (Although the latter is rare). It all depends on how you feel with the person and are comfortable to share. It is important to keep in mind that if you are cis-passing, your partner(s) in intimacy will likely expect to see the genitals normally associated with your gender. For safety reasons, it's often recommended to tell them from a safe distance that you are trans before getting intimate if you are pre-surgeries. It's important to still be careful either way, someone responding positively to your coming out doesn't guarantee safety.
 

AudryLeigh

Administrator
Staff member
Paid Membership
Jan 2, 2022
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Eugene, Oregon, USA
it's often recommended to tell them from a safe distance that you are trans before getting intimate if you are pre-surgeries.
Even if you have had surgery and pass easily, I feel very strongly that trans people should always tell anyone with whom they may become intimate the entire truth about themselves. Gender affirming surgeries are strictly cosmetic, so it's more than naive to think anyone can "get away with" pretending to be CIS for very long. Also, if you are proud of who you are, why wouldn't you tell someone with whom you are close enough to become intimate the truth about yourself. If you can't trust them with that information, you shouldn't be in a position where you might become intimate with them. Regarding people other than those with whom you might become intimate, it's none of their business.

Hugs,
Audry Leigh
 
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